TNPC Home | ParenTalk | Articles - Preteen | Parent Chat

Teaching Self-Esteem

by Evelyn Petersen

Each of us is "shy" in some instances and "outgoing" in others; this is normal. If you EXPECT your child to be "shy" (or "withdrawn") you will be reinforcing this behavior and making it happen more often. Focus on and praise your child's strengths.
Self esteem is a powerful force which will impact your child's success and happiness throughout his or her life. More than any other factor, self esteem or self image influences our attitudes about what we can or cannot do, how we cope with problems, and how we get along with others.

Self esteem is a blend of the way we feel about and "see" ourselves, as well as the way we believe others see us. A strong self image helps a child feel BOTH lovable and capable. A child's self esteem is strongest when parents nurture BOTH love ability and capability.

Feeling lovable means that the child feels loved and worthwhile just because he or she exists in this world, not because of something he or she can do. You help a child feel lovable by praising things that are intrinsic or unique to your child's personality, like his sense of humor, friendliness, persistence, or creativity.

Feeling capable means that the child feels strong and competent, and proud of his or her ability to do or achieve things. Feeling capable has to do with life skills...things like being able to wash and dress oneself, help with household chores, get ready for bed independently, and know the names of colors. Here are a few points to remember:

As an adult, you know that every person is unique and special; your child does not know this. Teach him how and why he is unique.

Praise is only valuable when it is genuine and descriptive. Use meaningful praise that describes what you notice, like, or approve.

When children are allowed to do as many things for themselves as possible, they feel proud and competent.

You may want to order the pamphlet, "Tips on Teaching Self Esteem," containing many ideas for helping your child feel both lovable and capable. Write a check or money order for $2 to "Tips on Self Esteem" and send to KP Enterprises, Dept. 4, 115 Youngs Circle, Fayetteville, GA 30215.

Ms. Petersen's nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. Her new book "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning: The What Why and How of Lesson Plans" has just been released.

TNPC Home | ParenTalk | Articles about Preteens | Comments for TNPC

Programmed by: http://www.parentsplace.com/