From: Ferida Wolff
6 Rules
Grandparents Break
When spending time with their
grandchildren, these grandparents are unabashed rule breakers!
I think aliens must take over our bodies
when we become grandparents. All of a sudden, we find ourselves doing things
we wouldn’t have dreamed of doing as parents. And when it comes to following
the rules our children set for our grandchildren, we may even become a tad
rebellious. These grandparents filled us in on the rules they love to break
while spending time with their grandchildren.
1. Don’t Play With Your Food!
Who hasn’t heard the parental howl, "Don’t play with your food!"? It came to
mind one day while I was visiting my sister, Ronnie Seidenberg, who lives
five miles from me in Voorhees, N.J. When her year-old grandson threw
blueberries across the kitchen floor, I thought, uh-oh. As a parent, she was
always cleaning up after her children when they were toddlers. Playing with
food was not an accepted activity. But here was my sister, smiling!
She caught me staring, mouth agape. She
leaned over and sheepishly said, "I would never have allowed my own children
to do this." No kidding! I didn’t know what her grandson’s parents thought
about this (they were sleeping and I wasn’t about to wake them to tattle on
my sister). I did know that she was breaking her own parent rule. As I said,
aliens.
2. Don’t Touch Mommy’s Things
Dolores Kozielski of Marlton, N.J., has
three granddaughters who have heaps of toys with which to play. But they'd
rather amuse themselves with the forbidden things. Their mother doesn’t let
them try on her jewelry. That doesn’t mean Mom-Mom won’t! Mom-Mom not only
allows her granddaughters to open their mother's jewelry box and play with
the contents, she joins in the fun. They play jewelry store together. Says
60-year-old Kozielski, "I tell my daughter, 'this is my house with my
rules.'"
3. Lights-Out Time
"My daughter is obsessed about the kids,"
says Southampton, N.J., grandma Peg Ryan. "Somebody needs to break the rules
to help them relax!" At home, her grandchildren have to be in bed by 9:00
p.m. On school nights, grandma abides by the lights-out rule. "I don’t
countermand anything that’s important," says 60-year-old Ryan. "But when I
babysit on the weekends, I let them go to sleep whenever they want."
4. Only Certain Toys Allowed
When I ask Mary Simons from Pittsburgh if
she breaks her granddaughters' parents’ rules, "Absolutely!," she says,
without a hint of remorse. Which ones? "Whichever ones I want to," says
Simons, 62. "When I’m babysitting, I do what I want." She buys her two
granddaughters things that their parents might not choose for them. "If
their mother thinks they should have a particular toy and they want a doll,
they’re getting a doll," she says. "I figure grandparents have privileges."
5. Stay in Your Own Bed
Frances Cosney from Pomona, N.J. often
stays with her grandson when her daughter goes out of town on business. He's
now a teenager but when he was younger, she says, "I let him come into the
bed with me to give him some extra love." She remembers when he was 4 or 5,
he would wake up at night and crawl into her bed. She knows her daughter
didn’t agree with that but she wanted to comfort her grandson. "He’s my
charm and my joy," says 79-year-old Cosney.
6. No Late TV
Bradley Beach, N.J., author Harriet May
Savitz is an admitted rule breaker. Her four grandchildren know that when
they visit, all rules are out the window. Particularly rules about
television. At home they are allowed to watch until 8:30 p.m. or 9:00 p.m.
On weekend sleepovers at their grandmother’s place, they can watch as late
as they want to. She watches with them! "They watch 'til 10 or 11 o’clock,"
says Savitz, 74. They’ve even watched until 3:00 a.m., which her
grandchildren thought was very cool. "It’s our special time," she says.
Well, maybe we don't turn into aliens.
What I hear in these grandparents’ voices is delight in being with their
grandchildren. Rules come second. There is a sense of perspective here. Says
Ryan, "As grandparents you realize that you drove your kids nuts for
absolutely no good reason." |
